New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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