After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
