I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i think im in europe. pls send help
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
