sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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