For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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