i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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