Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
