she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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