So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
