Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
