the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
