she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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