Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
