Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was born a porn star she said
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's always time for handjobs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
