I think i sorta joined a cult last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
