Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
