so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
