hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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