Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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