I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
