My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
