dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
