You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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