I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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