dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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