I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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