She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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