her vagina looked like bernie madoff
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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