I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
