considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
