Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
