Define "chronic" masturbator.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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