I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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