i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
