Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
