the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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