She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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