There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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