Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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