my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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