I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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