Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
