bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My breasts were aching with rage.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
