I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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