I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
