He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
