So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
