Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
