OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
