Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
