meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
