And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
