At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
