38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
