Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
do herpes really smell.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
