Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
