I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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