I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
