so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
