Quick, to the slutcave!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just forgot I was standing up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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