i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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