I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
