you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
