I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
