I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
