I'm so fucking centered right now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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