so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
